


Who's This?

by PerpetualFangirl



Category: Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party - Fandom, Skyhill (Band)
Genre: Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Meeting, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Guilt, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Minor Character Death, Mourning, Sad, Sickness, Slow Burn, Texting, eventual love, sweet dan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-26 10:21:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 20,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9889346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerpetualFangirl/pseuds/PerpetualFangirl
Summary: What are you supposed to do when someone you don't know texts you? Ignore them? Delete the text? But what do you do when the stranger is exactly the person you need?





	1. Part 1

I didn't have much use for social situations. Which explains why, on a Friday evening, I was sitting at home marathoning game play videos on YouTube instead of going out with my coworkers.

They had been bugging me to go out to karaoke for weeks now, but I feigned a migraine to avoid it. The thought of sitting in a cramped bar with loud music and the cloying smell of alcohol made me cringe. I was satisfied with staying in my little one story house with my laptop and the fat, orange tabby that was currently perched on my lap.

Why the group of accountants at my firm were so interested in drinking and making fools of themselves after work was beyond me. I was more than content with YouTube videos and my DS. I was currently trying to beat a temple in Ocarina of Time. As my last heart emptied again and 'Game Over' flashed across my screen, I threw my DS to the side with a frustrated huff. It bounced off of the black couch cushion next to me and fell to the floor, the sound startling the cat and causing her to take off running into the other room.

"Shit!" I exclaimed, leaning over to pick up the system and check it over for damages. Satisfied that it was alright, I put it down on the coffee table carefully and pulled my legs onto the couch to continue my marathon.

The opening theme of the group I was watching played for what must've been the 30th time that night. I was watching through the Zelda Wind Waker playthrough from Game Grumps again. It was one of my favorites, although the one that frustrated me the most. Wind Waker was my favorite game, and Arin's lack of skill at the game drove me nuts, though, Dan and Arin's commentary made up for it.

I grabbed my phone off of the arm of the couch, pressing the button in the center to turn on the display. A text message notification was at the top of my screen. Rolling my eyes, I opened it, expecting it to be one of my co-workers, probably Josie, giving one more unwanted attempt to have me meet her at the bar.

Hey.  
1-310-374-8093(21:02)

I gave an odd look to my cell phone, I never give my phone number out.

Hi? Who's this?  
Me (21:25)

It's Dan, from theatre. You gave me your number.  
1-310-374-8093 (21:25)

Sorry, I think you might have typed it in wrong. I didn't meet you at a theatre.  
Me (21:26)

Well, this is embarrassing... I definitely typed in the right number. This isn't Alice?  
1-310-374-8093 (21:27)

I cringed. Poor guy, some girl probably gave him a fake number.

Nope, definitely not Alice.  
Me (21:28)

Sorry for bothering you.  
1-310-374-8093 (21:29)

Never one to be rude, and feeling sorry for the guy, I decided to at least be nice to him.

No bother at all! Just sitting here watching YouTube videos. :)  
Me (21:31)

Annoyed at the string of numbers coming in under each text, i added the number to my contacts.

Anything interesting?  
Wrong number (21:32)

Just a couple guys playing video games.  
Me (21:33)

Do you play video games?  
Wrong Number (21:33)

Mostly Nintendo. SNES, NES, DS, Game Cube. I keep getting my ass handed to me by Ocarina  
Me (21:35)

My buddy and I played Ocarina, where are you stuck?  
Wrong number (21:38)

The cursed water temple  
Me (21:40)

I grabbed my DS and flipped it open, might as well try again.

Fuck that place.  
Wrong number (21:42)

I laughed at the message and was about to reply when another one came in.

Sorry for the language, but that temple was hell.  
Wrong number (21:42)

It's all good, it is pretty infuriating.  
Me(21:43)

The DS I had open was about to go flying again as I attempted to beat the temple for what must of been the 50th time.

I have to go, gotta get back to work. But.. do you mind if I text you again?  
Wrong Number(21:44)

I contemplated this. Would it be weird to just randomly start texting someone? He could be a little kid, or a complete creep. Had to be some reason that girl gave him a wrong number. Whatever, it was just text right? Not like the guy knew where I lived. Or that I needed to meet him in any other way. This gave me some control.

Sure, I guess that'd be okay.  
Me(21:50)

Cool, I'll talk to you later then :)  
Wrong Number (21:51)

Bye  
Me(21:51)

I threw down my phone. "Alright water temple, time to become my bitch."

\---

The next day was like any typical day off. I stayed in bed until noon, called to check in on my mother and cleaned up the house. I was currently sitting in my room watching Game Grumps on YouTube, my conversation from the previous night the farthest thing from my mind.

So I wasn't expecting my phone to ding multiple times in the span of seconds with text messages.

Hey  
How are you?  
How's the water temple going?  
Wrong Number(16:50)

I kicked its ass :D  
Me(16:51)

Wooo! That's awesome. My friend raged at that part!  
Wrong Number (16:53)

Yeah, it's awful. So what are you up to?  
Me (16:54)

Working, you?  
Wrong Number(16:55)

Just watching playthrough videos. What do you do for work?  
Me (16:57)

I write music. By the way. I don't know your name. I have you as Not-Alice in my phone.  
Wrong Number(16:58)

It's Brianna  
Me(17:00)

Well it's nice to meet you, Brianna  
Wrong Number(17:01)

Nice to meet you, Dan  
Me(17:03)

Who are you watching online? You seem to watch them a lot. Or is it not the same people as before?  
Dan(17:04)

It is. It's these two guys that play a lot of games and they're hilarious. Game Grumps.  
Me(17:06)

I flipped off Game Grumps and decided to get caught up on The Walking Dead. I was part way through an episode when my phone dinged again. 

Oh nice. Hey look, I gotta go.  
Dan(17:42)

Okay, have a good night  
Me(17:44)

I spent the rest of the night watching zombies eat faces.

\---

I had not heard from Dan in a while, but life went by as normal. I went to work, spent the weekends with my cat and my DS. I was back to my quiet, calm lifestyle.

But everything came to a halt one Sunday in August. My mom had not been feeling well for a while, so I convinced her to go get checked out at the hospital. Or so I thought. Turns out she ended up parking in the lot of a convenience store and sitting there delirious from fever.

When I finally found her after two hours and a frantic call to the police, I hopped in her car and we drove to the hospital.

I spent as long as I could sitting next to my unconscious mother's bedside. I was sitting in the chair with my head in my hands when a nurse came in and told me that I had to leave. I was able to come back tomorrow to see her and to see the doctor, but visiting hours were over.

I drove around for a while completely numb. I didn't know what to do with myself. When I eventually got home, I went directly to my bed and laid down, not even getting undressed. Feeling completely lost, I grabbed my phone and scrolled through my contacts. When I scrolled past Dan's name I stopped, my finger hovering over the screen.

Deciding I didn't have anything else to lose I sent a text.

Dan?  
Me(1:13)

Hey. Whats up?  
Dan(1:20)

I'm sorry for texting you so late. I didn't know what else to do.  
Me(1:21)

It's fine. What's wrong?  
Dan(1:22)

Can you just distract me? I don't want to think right now.  
Me(1:24)

I regretted this text as soon as I hit the send button. Unloading my situation onto a random person seemed ridiculous to me. Especially someone I had never met before.

Are you okay? You're worrying me.  
Dan(1:25)

I'm fine. My mothers really sick, I just spent the whole day in the hospital, I just don't want to think about anything.  
Me(1:26)

Oh, Brianna. That's terrible.  
Okay, what are you playing now?  
Dan(1:27)

Dan texted with me for quite a while, about video games, movies , tv shows, any random thing possible. Eventually it worked and I fell asleep mid-text, exhausted from the day.

\---

The next day, after calling into work, I went back to the hospital. When I got there, I was greeted with the sight of my mother hooked up to what looked like a dozen machines. She was still asleep, but a nurse had told me that she had woken up periodically during the night.

Some time after I got there, a short, balding man holding a clipboard came into the room and motioned for me to come outside. Quietly getting out of the chair, I followed him. He had a grim look on his face.

"Are you Brianna?" he asked. When I nodded, he continued, "I'm Dr. Erikson, the emergency doctor on staff here. This is your mother?"

"Yes." I was starting to get really worried.

"Your mother has a blood infection called Sepsis. Basically what has happened is she had a cut on the back of her leg that didn't heal and got infected. When the infection got bad enough, it spread to her bloodstream." 

I tried to process his words. "So what does this mean?"

"It means that we have her on IV antibiotics." his voice lowered, "but it could go either way at this point."

My heart dropped. "Either way as in what? Loss of limb or loss of life?"

"It's too soon to tell. We're bringing in an Infectious Disease Specialist to look at her. Since the infection is so widespread, we need to figure out the best way to attack it." Dr. Erikson looked down at his clipboard. "They're due to come in to see her by tomorrow at 2. You might want to be here to speak with them."

I nodded and thanked the Doctor. He shook my hand, patted my arm and walked away. I sat down on a bench in the hallway, my eyes burning from the tears trailing down my face. The bright white of the hospital was too much for brain to handle. I needed to get out of here, even for a minute.


	2. Part 2

The sun outside was no better than the bright light of the hospital, but at least I could breathe. At least, instead of the recycled air of the hospital, I was inhaling fresh air.

I was trying to keep it together, at least until I made it to my car. The doctors words lingered in my head. 'It could go either way.' had to be the worse thing I could hear.

Finally getting safely in my car, I climbed in, locked the door, and lost it. Faced with the idea that I may not see my mother healthy again, my only remaining family member, I didn't know how to process it.

I don't know how long I was sitting in there, but I finally realized that my phone was going off.

Hey.  
Are you alright?  
Dan (10:02)

How is everything going?  
Dan (10:04)

Brianna?  
Dan (10:32)

Along with the text messages was a missed call from him.

Hey. I'm... not alright.  
Me (10:34)

I briefly explained to him what the doctor said. Trying not to go into too much detail.

Do you want me to come to the hospital with you?  
Dan(10:35)

As sweet as the sentiment was, meeting him at a hospital for the first time was not something I wanted to do. I liked Dan, and enjoyed our conversations, but I wasn't ready for that.

I'm alright. I'm just going to go see if she's awake and talk to the doctor. I have to go to her place to grab some stuff for her.  
Me (10:37)

Alright. Text me if you need anything.  
Dan (10:38)

Thanks, I will.  
Me (10:39)

Wiping my face and taking a breath, I went back into the hospital and up to my mother's room. A nurse at the front counter stopped me and let me know that my mother had woken up.

I thanked her and made my way into my mom's room. She was sitting up in bed, looking tired but more coherent.

"Hey, Mom" I said quietly, making my way to sit in the chair at her bedside.

"Hi, Babe. When did you get here?" she looked a little confused.

"I got here this morning. How are you feeling?"

She shrugged and looked at the machines she was hooked up to. "I'm feeling alright. I wish they'd take me off of this oxygen, though. It's really annoying." She pointed to the cannula on her face.

"I'm sure it's there for a reason." my mother had a pre-existing medical condition that caused her to stop breathing as she slept. It was something that she was working with doctors for, but it still wasn't under control.

She called the nurse in and asked her if she could take off the oxygen. The nurse agreed, much to my annoyance. I told her about the sleep apnea, but she waved me off.

Mom sighed, "That's better. Brianna, don't you work today?"

"I was supposed to." I started to explain, I didn't want her to feel bad that I called off work. My employer was really understanding and told me to take the time I needed to take care of her. "They gave me some time off."

"You didn't need to do that. I'll probably be going home sometime today."

I looked at her confused, "Mom, did they explain to you what's going on?"

It was her turn to look confused. "Not really. I didn't get to talk to the doctor."

Choosing my words carefully, I told my mom what the doctor explained about the cut on her leg, the sepsis and the specialist that was due in at some point tomorrow. I left out the words the doctor said that terrified me the worse. She needed to heal, not worry about the doctor being so unsure.

Whether it was an act or not, my mom didn't look concerned. "Whatever, I'll just take some time to relax and be taken care of for a while." she laughed, "it'd be great if you could get me some stuff from home. There's a book I'm reading on my bedside table and my kindle. Maybe my laptop so I can watch some movies?" 

I smiled and nodded at her. "Sure, I'll bring them to you tomorrow when come back."

We talked for a little longer before she started falling asleep. The nurse came into the room a few minutes later and shook my mom awake.

"Your oxygen levels are dropping, you need to put this back on." she said, putting the plastic tubing back on my mothers face.

I glared at the nurse and huffed. "She needs the oxygen on any time she's sleeping, like I said."

The nurse hummed and let the room, shooting an annoyed glance at me. I rolled my eyes and looked back at my mother.

She chuckled at me. "Relax, Bree. I'll be okay."

"I know, Mom, but they can at least pay attention to your chart." I didn't want to be one of those people who the nurses were annoyed with working with, but this was my mom. Plus, you would think breathing would be the nurses first priority.

One of the nurses came into the room holding a big vase of flowers. "You're Brianna, right?" she asked me, placing them down onto the bedside table.

"Yeah?"

"These were sent up to the nurses station for you. Figured it was you, since we don't have any patients by that name." I thanked her and she left.

When I looked back over at my mother, she was reading the note and grinning. She handed it to me.

The note was short and simple, but sweet.

'To Brianna's Mom. Hope you feel better. - Dan'

I smiled as a read it again.

"Brianna, who's Dan? Are you dating someone and didn't tell me." my mother smiled widely. She wanted to me date, but my lack of interest in social situations didn't exactly have me bringing men home.

Always one to be fully open with my mother, I explained to her the text messages and random conversations.

She stared at me for a moment. "Well, I would be concerned. But I guess this is how people meet each other now. Just be careful."

I laughed, "Mom, I'm not dating him. I've had a hand full of conversations with him over the last few months."

"Sure," she said, looking over at the flowers next to her. "But he was quick to comfort you when you texted him in need, and he sent flowers without even knowing my name. That's pretty swoony."

I laughed at my mom. "Stop reading those Young Adult love stories, Mom. They're warping your brain."

"Stop being so cynical, you never know what could turn out from it." she eyed me for a moment, "I want to meet him."

"Mom, I haven't even met him yet." I loved my mom, but her romantic heart confused me sometimes. She had met my father as a teen and they had fallen in love and got married before they hit their 20's. It was nothing I ever saw for myself, but she was always hopeful if I dated anyone.

"Well I know, but eventually, I want to meet him."

We talked on and off for a while, her napping in between conversations. When it hit around around supper time, I told her I was going to leave to go to her place, gather her stuff and check on her cat. I hugged her and told her I'd see her tomorrow.

I was feeling better after visiting her all day. She did look a lot better, other than the naps she was having often.

When I got to her place I pulled out my phone to text Dan.

Thank you for sending the flowers. They were beautiful and mom loved them :)  
Me (16:54)

I'm so glad they got to her. You never told me her name, so I just sent it to the family ward. How is she?  
Dan (16:56)

She's doing better. Sleeping a lot, but she's not as out of it as before.  
Me (16:58)

Mom's cat, a old gray tabby with a stub for a tail, was winding around my ankles meowing for food. I filled his dish, plus an extra one and did the same with the water. He seemed content, so I cleaned his litter and started gathering things for mom.

My phone went off again as I was finishing up.

That's good to hear. What are you up to?  
Dan (17:21)

We texted for the rest of the night. He was really good at distracting me when my thoughts got dark.

He talked about how he was in two bands, both somewhat comedy bands. I really wanted to hear his music but he wouldn't let me. Looks like he wasn't ready to meet either.

After texting him until way into the night, I fell asleep mid-conversation for the second night in a row.


	3. Part 3

Getting to the hospital early the next day seemed to be the right thing to do.  A few minutes after I had gotten into my mother's room, the specialist walked in.

She explained to us that because of the severity of the infection, my mother would be hospitilized for at least a week and would be on IV antibiotics for the duration of that time. My mom huffed and sighed as the doctor explained everything.

She asked me to tell her what happened to make Mom come in. When I got to the part about finding her in a parking lot, my mom laughed. "Yeah, the little brat chased me down and forced me to come in." she said jokingly.

The doctor looked at her, "Well, she probably saved your life. Another day without this being treated and you may have not been here to make that joke."

My mom's eyes snapped open, shocked to hear the doctor say it so bluntly. I'm not sure she realized the severity of the situation until right then.

I averted my eyes from the doctor, looking down and swallowing thickly. To think that my mother came that close to death terrified me.

When the doctor left, with strict instructions to take it easy, Mom looked over at me.

"Well, looks like I'm in here for a while. Will you check in on the feline for me?" she asked.

"Of course. I'll go over every couple days to check in." I replied.

Much like the day before, I sat by her bed just chatting with her. I left periodically to go to the washroom, contact my work or get something to eat. Since she was in here for a while, I'd be going back to work until she was released. I got the okay from my boss to take a week off after she was sent home to take care of her, but for now I had to go back. 

I had made sure to bring her phone charger and told her I'd text her the next day to check in. We said our goodbyes and I left. 

When I got home, I had many missed texts from Dan. Since the conversation with my mom about him the day before, texting him became a little strange. That woman and her romantic views were going to be the end of me.

I texted with him for a little bit, before showering and turning in for the night, falling asleep to Game Grumps on my YouTube playlist.

\---

The next week and a half was much of the same. I worked during the week, texting my mother and Dan frequently, and went to the hospital on the weekend. 

She was doing a lot better, and my anxiety around the situation was lowering each day. I made sure her house was ready for her to return, cleaning everything and buying her new bedding. I was staying at her place for the week that I had off work so I'd be close if she needed me.

Finally the doctors agreed to discharge her. So I went and picked her up and brought her home. I didn't settle into bed until late that night. After getting my mom home i left to do groceries, made supper, spent some time reading with her and then helped her settle into bed and take her medication. Once I was satisfied that she was settled in with the machine to help her sleep, I went into the room I was staying in and layed down in the bed.

Grabbing my phone, I texted Dan.

Hey! Mom did end up coming home today. :)  
Me (23:54)

That's wonderful! Glad to hear everything is okay.  
Dan (23:55)

It's awesome. Hey Dan..?  
Me (23:56)

Yeah?  
Dan (23:56)

I wanted to thank you for being so awesome the last couple weeks. You have no idea who I am, yet you have no problem talking me through my shit. I really appreciate it.  
Me (00:02)

I'm more than happy that I've been of help. I've enjoyed our conversations a lot. When it wasn't about sad things, of course. You can text me whenever.  
Dan (00:10)

Thank you, I will do that :)  
Me (00:12)

I'd noticed that over the last little while I did start looking for excuses to text him. We never really ran out of things to talk about. Even though we'd never met in person, I was starting to consider him a good friend.

Even so, I still didn't know anything about him. I knew he was around my age, his name was Dan, he was funny and he liked music, video games and Game of Thrones. That was it. There was an imbalance in the information I shared compared to him. I was curious about meeting him, but I wasn't sure how to bring it up. I figured once everything settled down, I'd ask him if we could meet.

I fell asleep trying to imagine what he looked like, but all I could picture was a tall, dark haired man with no distinguishable facial features. 

\---

A couple days after my mom got discharged. We finally got into a routine of the nurse coming over, and me playing nurse when she wasn't there.

My mother had spiked a fever that morning, but the nurse said it was alright and to just monitor it. It was normal with Sepsis that a fever would come and go. 

I went out to a drug store and bought some Tylenol and a thermometer. When I got home, I checked her temperature and then left her to nap. Deciding to go in the spare room and read for a bit. 

Dan had texted me while I was out, but I never got the chance to reply until now.

Would you want to have coffee with me?  
Dan(12:36)

I would love to, Dan.  
Me (13:18)

Way to make a guy panic, Brianna.  
Dan (13:19)

I didn't even see the text until now! Sorry. Had to go buy a thermometer for Mom. She got a fever this morning.  
Me(13:22)

Sorry, I feel like a dick now.  
Dan (13:24)

Don't worry about it! But yes, I would love to go for coffee with you. I'd prefer to wait until things settle down a little bit though.  
Me (13:25)

Of course! Just let me know when you're ready. I really can't wait to meet you.  
Dan (13:28)

Me too, Dan.  
Me (13:29)

So what are you up to?  
Dan (13:33)

I texted with Dan and read, checking on my mom and taking her temperature every few hours. It was starting to go down, but wasn't gone completely.

By 10 o'clock, my mother and I both were ready for bed.

She was having a really hard time staying awake. I had to wake her up several times while I was giving her her medicine. Helping her put on her CPAP machine was even more difficult. I had to strap it around her face with this little mechanism over her nose.

"Mom, is that comfortable?" I asked her, moving the machine around a little bit.

"Mmmhm" she replied, almost completely asleep.

I was slightly worried, but shook it off and turned on her machine.

Leaving the room, I turned off the light.

"Night Mom, love you." I said to her.

"Love you too." she replied sleepily.

I went back to my room and decided to call the extramural nurse office just to check in. 

After I explained the situation, they told me not to be too worried and if her fever wasn't down tomorrow to go into the hospital. Relaxing a little bit, I texted goodnight to Dan, promising to text him in the morning and went to bed.


	4. Part 4

The next morning, I woke up to my alarm going off. Grabbing my phone and dismissing it, I looked at the time. It was around 9:30, and Mom's nurse would be here soon.

I layed in bed for a few minutes, I felt strange, but I couldn't figure out what was wrong. The house was really quiet and felt weird, empty. Confused, I got out of bed. 

Not bothering to get dressed, still wearing just my tank top and underwear that I went to sleep in, I left my room to go check on my mom. I had a feeling that she had left to go get coffee, and I was preparing what to say to chew her out when she got home and tell her to stay home next time. 

Opening her door, I noticed she was still in bed, laying on her side like I left her the night before.

"Mom. The nurse is going to be here soon. You need to get up." I walked over to her bed.

"Mom?" I put my hand on her arm and my stomach dropped. She was freezing cold. I shook her lightly, unable to understand what was happening.

Backing up from her bed, mumbling nonsense, I ran out of the room to grab my phone. I was vibrating, my hands and body shaking so hard I could barely see the screen.

Finally able to pull myself together, I dialed 911. Thinking I'd be able to logically explain what happened and where we were located.

Not quite.

"911, what's your emergency?" I heard, as my phone finally hit my ear.

"My mom's cold." I replied, tears running down my face, I wasn't sure when I started crying but I gasped and choked around the tears.

"I'm sorry?" The woman on the phone asked.

"My mom's cold and she's not breathing."

"What's your name?" She asked. I was pacing around my bedroom at this point.

"Brianna"

"And your address?"

I answered the questions she asked. My moms name, age, ect. And then she asked me if i wanted her to stay on the line until help arrived.

"No.." I stuttered out. "The cat... I need to..." I was bordering on hysterical, all I could think of was that Mom's cat was walking around and I was undressed.

"It's alright, Dear. They're on their way." The line then went dead.

I grabbed Mom's cat and went into my bedroom, getting dressed quickly and then shutting the door behind me as I went to wait by the front door. I could hear the sirens in the distance.

I finally heard a knock at the door and four men dressed in first responder uniforms walked into the house. 

"Which room?" The man infront asked. 

I pointed to the hallway. "Middle door." They all walked towards the door. I noticed that they we holding bags and equipment. I followed them into the hallway and watched as the last man in shut the door behind him. They hadn't been in there more than a minute or two before they all filed out again. Eyes down as they walked past me. Except for the last man that shook his head and muttered an apology. He was holding my mothers bag of medication from the hospital.

I sat down on the couch and buried my face in my hands. I couldn't see straight, my chest and head hurt, my brain was barely processing what was going on around me. 

The paramedics asked me a variety of questions surounding Mom's medical history and the medication she's on. When the last time I spoke to her was, at what time?

The police arrived and more questions were asked, then the coroner, and I answered more questions. Finally when the questions stopped, I looked at the paramedic standing infront of me.

"What... what happens from here?" I stuttered. I had no idea what to do.

He looked at me kindly, "We wait for the okay from the coroner and then bring her to the morgue. You'll have to call a funeral home and make arrangements, find her will or decision everything if she didn't have one." He placed a hand gently on my arm. "It'll be okay, the funeral home will walk you through it.

I nodded and thanked him.

I had to give an official statement to the police, so an officer asked me to come out to his vehicle while they paramedics and coroner brought my mother out of the house.

Walking outside with an officer, he angled me so that my back was to the house and went through all the questions again, and asked me to tell him what happened the two weeks previous and details about the day and night before. I tried to answer everything as clear as possible but my brain was not functioning correctly. Everything seemed a little skewed and I was sure I was missing details. When I mentioned this to the officer, he assured me that I did fine, and they got all the information the needed. He gave me his condolences and left. 

After another hour or so, everyone finally left and the coroner gave me names and phone numbers to some funeral homes with the instructions to call one within the next day.

I went back into the house, avoiding my mothers room. I packed up my stuff, her grouchy and confused tabby and left, locking the door behind me. There was a lot of stuff left to do, but I could not focuse on anything. I just wanted to be home.

I spent the rest of the day in my darkened room, feeling completely alone and emotionally destroyed.

\---

I didn't know what time it was. I stopped looking at the clock. I was numb and had no idea what to do. My phone had been going off quite often with missed text messages and phone calls from Dan. I couldn't bring myself to text him. 

I just kept thinking about finding my mom, about the fact that even in my mid-thirties, I needed my mom and I was never going to be able to see her again. About the fact that if I had done something differently last night, she may still be here.

My phone rang again, and I reached out automatically to answer it.

"He...llo?" my voice cracked and came out as a whisper.

"Brianna? I've been trying to reach you all day. Are you okay?" the person on the other line asked. His voice sounded familiar but I couldn't pin point it.

"Dan? I... no.. Mom's de.. Mom di...." I couldn't get the words out before starting to sob again.

"Shit. Brianna, where are you? What's your address? I'm coming over." his voice sounded frantic.

I shook my head wildly. I didn't want to see anyone. I wanted to be alone and suffer in silence. "No-oo." I sobbed. I hung up the phone on him. It was unfair and rude to him, but the thought of being around anyone to see sympathy coating their face, I couldn't handle it.

I stumbled out of my bed, logically I knew that drowning my sorrows in a bottle of hard liquor was not the right thing to do. But the thought of the warmth from the bottle was too hard to pass up. I hadn't eaten anything in over 24 hours, but I bypassed the food in the cupboard for the sealed bottle of vodka in the freezer.

Bringing my bottle back into my bedroom I opened it and took a drink. The alcohol burned on its way down, but I just kept drinking until I stopped feeling.

Barely aware of what I was doing I texted Dan. I had about 60 text messages unopened in the thread since our phone call earlier. He kept asking me my address. I replied something I'm sure was unintelligible.

Being drunk made nothing better. My stomach was twisting in knots and I felt sick. I was light headed, my eyes burning from the constant stream of tears running down my face.

I stumbled to the bathroom, collapsing on the floor infront of the toilet and emptying the contents of my stomach. I wasn't seeing straight, blacking out and then coming to in a different position. I was curled up on the floor, my arms wrapped around myself when I heard the door open.

"Brianna?" I heard someone call out to me.

I blacked out and woke up to being placed in my bed. Cool hands were touching my face and brushing my hair back.

"Are you alright?" The same voice asked. I heard the bottle of liquor being put back onto my bedside table. The voice swore quietly.

I felt my bed dip as the person sat next to me and a wet cloth touched my face. I was too out if it to be worried that there was someone in my house. I felt safe, though. I finally drifted into a fitful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If no one has figured it out yet, this story is largely based on an experience I had when my mother passed away almost two years ago. The illness, the experience before she got into the hospital, finding her dead, the guilt.. it's all from personal experience. I wanted to add this into a story as both a method for me to dump my feelings and experiences on paper, and to let people know that everyone grieves differently. And that guilt, or survivors guilt is a normal part of grieving.


	5. Part 5

The light was way to bright. I tried to open my eyes multiple times but sharp pain kept shooting through my head. I felt sick to my stomach and my mouth was really dry. 

I tried to recall the events from the day before, but stopped as I saw my moms face flash into my head. I remembered getting home and drinking what was probably way too much vodka and after that I wasn't sure.

I heard a voice from my livingroom and my eyes snapped open.

"I don't know what to do, Arin. She's been sleeping for hours."

The voice said nothing.

"I know it needs time to get out of her system, but man, you didn't see her last night. She drank almost the whole bottle."

He must of been on the phone, I couldn't hear anyone else. Just his voice and foot steps in my livingroom.

I groaned and managed to sit up. There was a glass of water and Advil on the bedside table which I took quickly. The bottle of vodka was no where's in sight. I ran my hands through my knotted hair and rubbed my face.

"I think she's awake. Yeah I'll call you later. Thanks, man."

I heard footsteps making their way to my room.

"Brianna?" I looked up to see a tall man standing in my doorway. Shoulder length curly, messy hair, a handsome scruffy face.

My eyes widened as I recognized the man from the YouTube show and music videos I watched.

"Dan..?" I mumbled. It was too much to handle. I was in emotional overload. Dan Avidan was standing in my bedroom door way. The man I confided in for the last few months was the same one I had a celebrity crush on for years. It was too much. Between the events of yesterday and now this, my stomach twisted and I sobbed. I jumped up out of my bed with my hand over my mouth and ran to the bathroom, vomiting into the toilet again.

I heard Dan come up behind me and pull my hair back from my face.

"Hey, it's alright. Shh." he cooed at me.

When I was finally done, he flushed the toilet and helped me lean against the bathtub. Dan took a cloth off the sink, wet it and used it to wipe my tear stained face.

"You.." I mumbled.

"I know, I should of told you. I'm so sorry, Brianna." his voice was low. "Take a breath, it's okay."

I was hyperventilating. I couldn't calm my thoughts.

"Dan, she... she.." he nodded and pressed the cloth to my face.

He pulled me close to him and rubbed my back. "I know, Brianna."

I sobbed before pushing back from him. "N.. no" I stuttered, "you-u need to leave." I sobbed again and stood up shakily. I ran to my room and locked the door.

There was a small knock on the door. "Please, Brianna. I just want to help."

I ignored him. I couldn't understand what was going on. I just needed to be alone.

\---

When I finally pulled myself out of bed again, I wasn't sick anymore. I had finally straightened out some of my thoughts. I was confused about how Dan got to my place, but after looking through the drunken text messages, the unintelligible things I sent him was actually my address and telling him I was really drunk.

I felt a little bad about kicking him out of my house when he was just trying to help, but I couldn't focus on that. As much as I didn't want to, I had to start the phone calls.

I grabbed some clothes and went into the bathroom, showered, got dressed and brushed my teeth. I looked into the mirror, my eyes were extremely puffy and red. I was starting to feel weak from not eating for almost two days, so I went into the kitchen to get some food. 

When I walked out, I noticed Dan sleeping on the couch. I walked over to him and sat down on the coffee table. He looked peaceful. I was kicking myself for being so rude to him, but I couldn't blame myself for being shocked. I had to reconcile that Dan Avidan was my Dan.

I watched him for a moment, before he started shifting around and woke up.

"Brianna." he said sleepily.

I gave him a weak smile. "Hi."

"You look better. Are you alright? Have you eaten?" he asked.

"I was just about to get something." 

He sat up and took my hand. "I'm sorry about showing up here unannounced. I was just so worried that you didn't text me, and then you sent me all these odd texts."

I nodded. "It's alright." I pulled my hand from his and got up to go into the kitchen. I was surprisingly not mad that he didn't leave when I asked him. It was strangely comforting to have someone here.

He walked into the kitchen as I grabbed a granola bar from the cupboard. 

"That's not the only thing you're going to eat right?" he asked.

I looked at him, confused. "I'm not sure I can handle anything more, Dan." I poured myself a glass of water and sat down at the kitchen table. Gesturing to the kitchen, I said, "Take whatever you want. There's not much since I was staying at Moms." My voice stumbled over the last word and I took a deep breath.

He grabbed a granola bar and some water and sat in the other chair. "Can I ask..?" he started.

I shook my head. "I'm not sure I can talk about it again."

He nodded, "That's alright. If you need to talk I'm here." he put his hand on mine.

We sat in silence eating. When I was done, I threw out the wrapper before going into my room to grab my phone. I looked over at Dan who was standing in my doorway. "I have to call the funeral parlor. I was supposed to do it yesterday." 

"I'm sure they understand, Brianna." he said kindly. 

Dan hovered around me while I made my phone calls. I started with the funeral parlour, then my work, the insurance company, the bank, my extended family, mom's best friend. That was the hardest one, she was devastated. We cried together for a while. She told me she'd let my mom's friends know and asked me to let her know when the funeral was. Once all the arrangements were made, I took a deep breath and collapsed back on my bed.

"You did good." he encouraged. I looked over and nodded at him.

"You know she wanted to meet you right?" I asked him. "After you sent the flowers, she thought it was really sweet."

He sat next to me and smiled. "I would of loved that."

I sighed and put my arm over my eyes. After all the phone calls, Dan had an idea what happened the day before. I took a breath before starting to talk, filling in all the holes from my explanations from the phone calls. I had started crying again, the tears running down the sides of my face. 

When I moved my arm to look at him, Dan was looking at me sadly. "I am so sorry you had to go through that." 

"Thank you for being here. Even though I'm the worse company right now." I looked away. "And I kicked you out."  I finished sheepishly.

"I'm sorry for not leaving, but I just couldn't bear the thought of it." he took my hand again, his thumb rubbing circles into it. "I'm glad I stayed, though. I'll stay until you don't need me anymore."

"What about your work? I don't need to uproot your life." I was sure he had plenty on is plate without worrying about me.

He chuckled lightly. "That's the great thing about being friends with your boss. It's okay."

I nodded. "Okay."

"Is there anything that needs to be done now? Or do you have time to relax?" Dan asked.

"Nothing needs to be done until my appointments tomorrow." I sighed. "Then I need to start the process of cleaning out and selling Moms house." The amount of stuff and paper work needing to be done was starting to make my head spin. 

Dan nodded. "Don't worry about it now, we'll figure it out. Let's watch something and relax for now."

I grabbed my laptop and opened it. Blushing when I realized that Game Grumps was still open on my browser. "Uh... sorry."

Dan chuckled, "It's alright."

I found a movie on Netflix and Dan and I sat in silence to watch it. We spent the rest of the night watching different movies and shows. When it was well after midnight, Dan suggested we go to bed. I still didn't want to be alone.

I looked at him shyly. "Dan, can I ask you something? You don't have to if you don't want to, I completely understand if yo.." 

Dan cut me off gently, "What do you need Brianna."

"Would you stay with me?" I asked him.

He looked at me surprised, but nodded. I put the laptop aside and laid down, scooting to the side so Dan could lay down next to me.

I fell asleep to him humming The Last Unicorn to me.


	6. Part 6

I woke up to Dan sleeping peacefully beside me, his warm body pressed tightly against mine. Adjusting myself so I could move, I leaned over him to get my phone off the night stand and looked down at a pair of soft brown eyes.

"Err.. sorry. My phone." I said awkwardly.

Dan smiled and shrugged. I moved back to my side of the bed and looked at my phone. I had a couple appointments today, the first one was in an hour.

I sighed. "I don't really want to do this."

Dan rubbed my arm. "I know, Brianna but it'll be over quick. Maybe we can pick up some supper on the way back here."

"Yeah, we can do that." I nodded.

We got up, ate and got ready to leave. The appointments I had were really terrible, but it helped having Dan there with me. 

It seemed to be that after someone died, it was a constant state of being reminded of it. Going to a funeral home and talking obituaries, autopsies, caskets, cremation and burials. I had to decide whether to have a funeral or a wake or both. What day to have the wake or funeral. Whether to have it religious or non-religious. When they were going to go to the cemetery and drill my mother's name into my fathers tombstone.

I called my mother's friend to let her know when the wake was, and she told me she would see me there.

After the funeral home, I had to go to the insurance company. There it was more talk about autopsies, when we'd hear back from the coroner, natural and accidental death, how long processing a claim takes.

By the time the day was over, I was emotionally drained and physically exhausted. We had stopped to get some food, but when we got to my house I took a nap.

I woke up a couple hours later, the room was darkened. I was lying with my head in Dan's lap while he was watching a movie.

He must of felt me stir, cause when I opened my eyes he was looking down at me.

"Hey. Enjoy your nap?" he asked.

I rubbed my eyes and stretched. "Yeah. I needed it."

"Yeah you did."

I laid there for a little longer. Just content to lie on the couch in the tv lit room.

Dan ran his fingers through my hair that was splayed out on his lap. "You should probably get something to eat. You haven't eaten since breakfast."

I smiled at him. "That's sweet, but don't worry about how much I'm eating. I'm fine, it won't kill me."

"Come on, go eat something." Dan insisted. 

I turned my head and buried my face in his stomach. "I don't want to get up. I need to nap more."

Dan inhaled deeply before nudging me to get up. Relenting, I got up to reheat the take out that he had put into the fridge.

While I was eating, I told Dan I wanted to go to my mothers house the next to start cleaning some stuff out. The wake wasn't for another couple days, so I wanted to get that going. I had to pack everything up, decide if I was going to keep anything and sell what I didn't keep.

Dan agreed. He had essentially determined that he was just going to help me with everything. I wasn't complaining, I liked having him around.

\---

The next day we went to my mother's house early in the morning. I was nervous, as this was going to be the first time since she died. I took a deep breath and walked in. The house, of course, didn't look any different, but the feeling was very uncomfortable. I immediately felt the anxiety and sadness wash over me again.

Dan went back out into the car to get some boxes and I walked into my moms room. I leant against the door frame, staring at her bed. The paramedics had taken most of her bedding with them but everything else was the same. Her book was on her bedside table under her glasses, her phone sitting next to it. Her CPAP machine was still plugged into the wall, the face piece sitting on her pillow.

Staring into the room, I felt tears choking me up again. I was going to need to pack all of this up, my mothers entire existence was going to be boiled down to a few pictures and some momentos.

I felt a hand rubbing the middle of my back and Dan turned me around to cuddle into him. "Hey, hey, it's alright." he soothed.

I cried into his chest for a bit before shaking my head and wiping my face. "Sorry, I'm okay."

"Why don't I do her room? You can go start in the livingroom." Dan suggested.

I nodded and went to start packing. 

A couple hours later, we had gotten some stuff done. We threw out the food that had gone bad in the fridge, I unpacked my mothers bookshelf and Dan disassembled my moms bedroom. We sat on the couch to take a break.

I sighed, "We are never going to get this done."

Dan patted my knee. "I have an idea." He went outside, leaving me slightly confused. I got up to start packing up the electronics in the livingroom. I was almost done when Dan walked back in.

"I have some friends on the way to give us a hand." he said, smiling. 

I shook my head. "Dan, you don't need to bother your friends. It's bad enough you're here helping me."

He walked over to me. "They are more than happy to help."

I sighed and nodded. "Fine. But at least let me buy everyone supper. I feel terrible, they don't even know me." I was kind of amazed that his friends would help me out when I had never met them.

"I'm sure they'll appreciate it." Dan smiled and hugged me. "We'll get it done quickly and that'll be one more step."

We worked for a little longer before there was a knock at the door. Dan ran over from where he was to open the door.

I gawked a little when Arin, Suzy, Barry, Holly and Ross all walked into the house. Dan greeted them all and introduced us.

Holly and Suzy hugged me, Arin placed a kind hand on my shoulder and Barry and Ross nodded politely at me. Arin looked from Dan to me before speaking.

"So where do you need us?" he asked, rubbing his hands together.

"I basically need to pack up everything. I'm going to put in all in a storage locker that I have and I'll go through it at a later time." I replied. 

Everyone nodded and started to dispurse themselves through the house. I stopped them before they got to far. "Thank you guys for coming to help. I really appreciate it." They smiled and said a variety of 'no problem'.

By 6 o'clock, the house was basically all packed up. I was going to come back the next day and actually clean, wash the floors, appliances and windows and pack everything into a moving truck to bring to the storage locker. 

I ordered pizza for everyone, making sure to ask everyone what specifically they wanted and we ate off of paper plates while sitting on a variety of surfaces in the kitchen. I was sitting on the counter, next to Dan, Suzy and Holly were sitting on the floor and Ross, Barry and Arin were sitting at the table. We chatted while we ate and then they got ready to go.

They were all really nice people. I hugged them all and thanked them again before they left.

When the door shut, I leaned my head back against the wall and sighed.

Dan came up to me and ran a finger down my cheek. "You're almost done, Hun."

I smiled at him, "You're amazing. And your friends are amazing. I don't know what I would of done without your help."

"And to think, if that Alice chick didn't give me a fake number, we would of never met." he chuckled. 

"I'm very thankful some chick decided to be douchy."

He laughed and shook his head. "Alright, you ready to head back to your place?" he asked.

I agreed and we left. Stopping quickly at Dan's place to get him some clothes before going to my house.


	7. Part 7

It seemed to be that night time was when the dark thoughts hit me. Every smile that managed to grace my face during the day or anytime I let my mind wander off the events of the last few days came back to punish me with guilt when I turned off the light.

Dan was a comfort to me, but he couldn't stop the spiraling of my thoughts. 

It wasn't fair. My mother trusted me to take care of her and make the calls necessary to save her, but I didn't. I should of second guessed the nurses, I should have done something.

As my thoughts continued, the tears started. It wasn't long before I was sobbing into my pillow. I felt Dan stir beside me and I tried to quiet my crying but he woke up.

He pulled me to him and over his chest, speaking softly to me. His voice changed and he was singing to me.

My crying quieted until I was just sniffling. He kissed my forehead and rubbed my back, comforting me until I fell asleep.

\---

I woke up curled around Dan. My head was on his chest, our legs tangled. I tried to move away, but his arms tightened around me.

"Morning." he said.

"I'm sorry I..." I started, he cut me off before I could continue.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. That's what I'm here for."

I looked up at him. His face was so kind and so sincere. I leaned up and kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

We laid in my bed for a while, letting ourselves wake up slowly. When I couldn't put it off any longer, I climbed out of bed to shower and dress. When I was done, Dan did the same while I got a quick breakfast made for us.

I was still slightly embarrassed with last night. I had cried more around Dan in these past few days than I had infront of any other person in my entire life. He was so sweet and supportive. The thought of going through this without him seemed impossible to me.

Dan broke my train of thought when he sat at the table with me.

"Hey, you alright?" he asked.

I smiled at him. "Yeah, just thinking of  everything that needs to be done today."

"We'll have to go pick up the truck soon, pack everything in and drop it off. Then that's done, right?" he inquired.

"Yeah, then I just have to clean, but I think I'll do that after the wake tomorrow." I answered.

We finished eating in a comfortable silence, fed the cats and then left to get everything done. When we pulled up to my mothers house in the moving truck, there was a couple vehicles parked infront of the house.

Dan smiled, "Awesome, they got here on time." 

Arin, Suzy, Barry, Holly and Ross were sitting on my mother's front step waiting for us. I glanced over at Dan. "You didn't tell me they were coming back over."

"Arin texted me this morning and asked if we still needed help, so I told them when we were heading over here." he seemed a little nervous that I'd be upset. 

After I put the truck in park, I leaned over and hugged Dan. "You're the best."

He chuckled and hugged me back. We got out of the truck and greeted his friends before getting to work.

Before long, everything was packed up and the house was basically empty.  I took one last walkthrough the empty house before walking out and locking the door behind me.

We all drove to the storage locker, Dan and I in the truck and the rest in the vehicles they came in, we unloaded it and said our goodbyes. Arin and Suzy had asked Dan and I to go over after the wake the next day, which we agreed to.

I still needed to clean the house to ready it for selling, but I decided that after the wake would probably not be the best idea. Hanging out with Dan's friends and relaxing would be much more enjoyable.

\---

The next morning I was getting ready for the wake. I had searched my closet and pulled out the only dress I owned, a zip-up, knee length with a respectable neckline, which happened to be black, a pair of black flats and an owl pendant necklace that my mother had bought me.

After I showered, dressed and blow dried my hair, I finally walked out the bathroom to see Dan trying to tame his hair back, it wasn't working well.

"Having issues?" I asked him.

He looked me over with a smile, "You look beautiful, Brianna."

I blushed lightly "And you look very handsome yourself, Dan." He was wearing a black dress pants and dress shirt, casual, but looked really nice on him.

I gestured to Dan to follow me into the kitchen and sit in the chair in front of me. He handed me the brush and the elastic and I worked his hair back until I could tie it at the base of his neck. I leaned over his shoulder to hand him the hairbrush back. "There, all done." 

"Thank you." he said.

I hugged him quickly from behind and then looked at the clock. Sighing I stood up and grabbed my purse at the table. The wake was starting in an hour and a half and I had to be there early to greet everyone.

When we got to the funeral parlour, I was greeted by my mom's best friend, Molly. She wanted to be there early to wait with me. When I walked in, she hugged me. I had been doing well not crying today, but when she hugged me, tears started falling again.

"Brianna, how are you doing?" Molly asked as she handed me a bouquet of tiger lilies 

I shrugged in response. There wasn't much I could say to put my feelings into words. 

I walked farther into the funeral parlour and up to the alter. They had a bunch of pictures of my mother framed around the urn that was sitting there.

Molly came up next to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "This will be one of the harder parts."

I nodded, drying the tears on my face. We went to sit in some of the many chairs set up around the room while we waited.

I introduced Dan to Molly and we chatted for a while. It eventually turned into Molly telling me stories about my mom and Dan following along politely. Since we sat down he didn't let go of my hand.

When people started arriving, the wake went by in a blur. There was a constant line of thirty or so people lined up to extend their condolences to me. I hugged and shook hands with more people than I could count and met people who introduced themselves as family members that I had never heard of before. I was handed more cards and flowers than I could count. Soon, I was all cried out, my eyes felt dry and I wasn't sure they could produce anymore tears.

Since I had opted to only have a non-religious wake, since that's what my mother would of wanted, it was over within a few hours. The burial would be only me and the director of the funeral home the next day.

I hugged Molly and said goodbye after everyone left. She made me promise to keep in touch.

With Molly gone, it was just Dan and I standing in the empty funeral parlour. He rubbed my back and pulled me into a hug. "You did so well. I know it was hard, but you kept it together."

I smiled at him. "Wakes and funerals are very rarely for the close family. At this point, I had to comfort other people."

The funeral director walked up to us before Dan could respond. He handed me some of the framed pictures and extended his condolences again. We gathered all of the flowers and cards, packed them into the car and left.

\---

We arrived at Arin and Suzy's shortly after. Before we went in, I pulled down the visor to look in the mirror. I looked terrible, there was still tears staining my cheeks and my eyes were quite puffy. I rubbed my face and sighed, "Great, I look like hell."

"You still look beautiful, Brianna. Puffy eyes and all." he ran his hand down my cheek.

I leaned my face into his warm palm. "Thank you."

We got out of the car and walked up to the door to knock. Suzy opened the the door and pulled me into a hug.

"Are you okay?" she asked kindly. I pulled back and gave her a watery smile. 

"Yeah, I'm alright."

She gestured us inside and into the livingroom. Arin was sitting on the couch flipping through tv channels. "Hey guys!" he said to us.

I waved at him and we sat down on the couch.

"Are you guys hungry? I figured you wouldn't want to cook, so I prepared some sandwiches and such." Suzy said, about to walk into the kitchen.

Dan nodded, shooting me a pointed look. "Yes, we can definitely eat."

I rolled my eyes. That man and his concern with the amount of food I ate. We all followed Suzy into the kitchen and she pulled out wrapped platters of food out of the fridge and set them on the table.

We sat around eating in silence for a while before Suzy suggested we play Mario Cart.

After getting sufficiently destroyed by Suzy and getting a stitch in my side from Arin's raging, Dan and I decided that the day had been long enough, so we said our goodbyes and left.

\---

When we got home, I immediately went to change. Pulling comfortable sleep shorts and a tank top out of my dresser, I stripped down and re-dressed.

Finally more comfortable, I went back into the living room to join Dan on the couch. He had the many envelopes I'd received laying on the coffee table.

Dan looked over to me gesturing to the envelopes. "Do you want to go through those?"

I sighed and nodded. "Kind of have to." I split the pile in two and pushed half over to Dan.

We spent the next hour going through them all. I was shocked to discover that my mother's extended family had given money to me to help with expenses. By the time all the envelopes were opened and the money was counted, I was in tears.

Dan reached for me in a panic, "Are you alright?"

I nodded at him. "Yeah, I just wasn't expecting this. I have enough to cover everything now when the insurance claim comes in."

He smiled and pulled me over to hug him. "See, everything works out.

I looked up at him, my eyes watery, "I don't think I've thanked you enough for everything you've done for me. I don't think I could ever repay you."

"No thanks necessary, Brianna." he smiled at me and my eyes zoned in on his lips. Without thinking, I leaned up and kissed him.


	8. Part 8

I gasped lightly as tingles shot through me. Dan's lips were so soft and warm against mine. I pulled myself closer and moved my lips against his. Until I realized he had stiffened beneath me. Pulling back slowly, I lowered my eyes.

He sighed and reached for my hand. "Brianna.."

I started to get a little panicky. "I'm sorry. I must have.. I thought that you.. I didn't realize you wouldn't want to.."

Dan chuckled, "Brianna, trust me, I want to. I just don't think right now is the best idea."

I looked up at him confused. He moved closer to me and put his hand on my cheek. "It's been a really emotional day, hell, an emotional few weeks for you. And as much as I'd love to kiss you, I want to do it when it's not full of these other emotions."

Dan was probably right, but I didn't regret kissing him. As sweet as he was trying to be, I knew what I wanted. Regardless, I nodded and moved away from him.

Dan smiled at me. "Maybe we can still have that coffee soon?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'd like that."

\---

I thought that once the burial was over I would feel some sort of closure. Some kind of relief from the ache in my chest, but I still felt as if my heart was in pieces. Although, in a way, I felt as if I deserved it.

Somehow, standing infront of the tombstone looking at both of my parent's names carved into the granite, I felt worse. My mother was gone, and I was no closer to finding out the reason.

I had my own theories of what had happened. The CPAP machine malfunctioned, the infection overheated her body, or the worse of the theories was that, in her fevered state, she took her bedtime medication before I went into her room and I gave her more before bed.

The thought that I may have contributed in some way to my mothers death was tearing me apart.

Dan jolted me out of my thoughts by saying my name quietly. I nodded and with one last touch to the cool stone, I followed him to the car.

\---

All I could think of when I arrived home was my dark room and warm bed. As I walked through the door, I slipped off my shoes and went directly to my bedroom. I crawled into bed and wrapped myself up in the comforter.

Dan followed me into the room and sat on the side of the bed.

"Brianna, is everything alright?" he asked quietly.

I shook my head slowly. As tough as I was trying to be, I couldn't do it anymore. "No."

Dan laid down and pulled me over to him. "I don't know what to do to help." he wrapped his arms around me and cuddled me close.

I said nothing, I didn't think there was anything anyone could do to make this feeling go away.

"Do you think, maybe, that you should talk to someone?" he asked tentatively.

I looked at him, "What do you mean?"

He shrugged, "Like someone who's trained for this, a grief councellor?"

I tossed the idea around for a minute. The last thing I wanted to do was to spill my guts to a stranger. The fact that I had done that with Dan was bad enough. Eventually I nodded and Dan sighed in relief.

"I'll look up some names of some good ones in the city, but for now..." Dan started singing to me again. And like everytime when I needed it the most, he soothed me enough that I could fall asleep.

\---

I woke up a few hours later to a dark room and mostly empty bed, the two cats had curled up at my feet. I started to panic a little until I heard Dan rustling around in the kitchen. Getting out of bed with the blanket wrapped around me, I walked quietly into the kitchen. Leaning against the wall, I watched him as he cooked, or well, tried to.

There was a bunch of pans laid out on the counter some with what looked like charcoal on them and dirty mixing bowls in the sink. He was standing over the stove stiring something in a pot.

"Dan?"

He turned to me and smiled sheepishly. "I was trying to make you cookies and cook supper, but I don't think anything's turning out."

I walked over to look at the pot. He was boiling pasta, but didn't put nearly enough water in the pot. I wrapped the blanket under my arms, turned the hot water on in the sink and put more water in the pot. Placing it back on the stove, I smiled at him. "There, that might work better."

I walked down the counter and found a pan of cookies that were actually decently cooked. "These ones aren't too bad."

He smiled happily. "See! I'm not terrible!"

I walked over and hugged him. "No, you're definitely not. Thank you."

He kissed the top of my head. "You're welcome, Hun. Are you feeling better?" he asked, pulling back to look at me.

"Yeah, I guess I just needed a nap." I shrugged. "I don't know why I'm so exhausted."

"You're healing. Speaking of, I found some names of some councellors if you wanted to call one tomorrow." he pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket.

I took the paper from him and went to sit at the table. As much as I wanted help, I was weary about it. I wasn't sure that it would help.

Dan went back to cooking, and eventually brought plates of food and cookies over to the table and sat down. As terribly as the cooking was going, it actually ended up being good and I ate the serving he gave me, plus a few cookies.

Dan took the dishes to the sink and then lead me to the livingroom. "Do you want to watch something?" he asked, flipping on the television.

I shrugged and cuddled up in the corner of the couch. Dan flipped on an old season of a pointless comedy show and sat a cushion away from me. He gestured me over to him, so I laid down with my head in his lap.

We watched TV in silence for a while, I had started to doze off so I sat up.

"What's wrong?" Dan asked.

"Nothing, I just don't want to fall asleep." I replied.

Dan smiled at me. "We could go get coffee."

"Sure."

There was a Starbucks close to my place, so we through on our shoes and walked there.

We got our coffee and walked back home to enjoy it. I still didn't feel like being around a ton of people.

Settling back onto the couch, Dan and I decided to play a video game instead. I grabbed my DS and decided to keep playing Ocarina.

We passed the DS back and forth, playing different stages or handing it back and forth if we got frustrated at a certain part.

Deciding it was time to get ready for bed, I handed the DS off to Dan and went to shower.

By the time I was done, Dan was already laying in bed with a cat on either side of him.

I grinned when I walked into the room. "Well someone has made friends."

Dan chuckles, "Yeah, they seem to like me."

I crawled into bed next to him, disturbing the orange calico who stood up and with a prissy look shot at me, walked down to lay down at Dan's feet.

Dan looked over to me as I laid down. "You don't, err, have an issue with me sleeping in your bed, do you? I never actually asked."

I blushed and shook my head. "No, I really don't."

Dan chuckled and put his arm under my shoulders. "Good, cause you are some fucking comfortable."

I giggled and cuddled into him, "So are you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, not going to lie. I have a pre-written chapter for tomorrow, Saturday and Sunday.. but Breath of the Wild is out tomorrow and I mayyy be a little distracted for a little bit. Just bear with me here :P


	9. Part 9

By the time the week was up, Dan had to go back to filming for a bit and I had my first grief counselor visit. I was meeting Dan at Arin and Suzy's after my appointment.

The counselor had come to a conclusion that I was already aware of. I needed to read the autopsy report in order to get closure. And until I got that closure, there was very little that I could do to work through the guilt.

There's many stages of grief, and although I felt like I was feeling many of the stages at once, the counselor disagreed and didn't think I was past denial. She gave me little tips to be able to calm myself and get myself out of my own head, but we didn't get very far in the discussion before the session was over.

Once I was free of the office, I called the number I had for the coroner and left a message for him to contact me.

I drove to Arin and Suzy's, got out of the car and knocked on their door. Suzy answered with a smile and motioned for me to come in.

"They're still downstairs filming, but they should be done this session soon." she explained as I followed her into the house. She lead me to the kitchen and offered me some coffee, which I gratefully accepted.

“Thanks.” I said as I took the cup from her.

She sat down next to me. “So, how did it go?” she asked. “You don't have to talk about it, I was just curious.”

I smiled at her and nodded, “It went alright. She gave me some tips on how to help with anxiety, which I'm sure will come in handy.”

“Oh, like what?” Suzy asked, curious.

I chuckled, “Silly things, like running my hands under cold water to bring myself out of my head, and focusing on my surroundings. I'm sure they'll help when I need them.”

She smiled, “Well, as long as they help right?”

“Yeah, other than that, she wants me to get a copy of the coroners report so I can read it. She thinks that's the root cause of most of this, that I don't know what happened.” I shrugged.

Suzy was about to reply when we heard Dan and Arin coming up the stairs. Arin walked over to kiss his wife and Dan walked over to me smiling.

“Brianna, you're here already? How was it?” Dan asked. He was so enthusiastic about these appointments.

I smiled at him, “I was just telling Suzy about it, it went really well.”

Dan's smile broadened. “Awesome.” he leaned down to kiss my forehead, “We were just coming upstairs to get something to drink. We still have a few more episodes to film, then you and I can head out.”

“Sure, I'll just hang out with Suzy.” I enjoyed hanging out with her, but I also wanted Dan to have some normalcy back. I had completely uprooted his life, something I honestly felt terrible for.

They each grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and headed back downstairs.

Once the door shut firmly behind them, Suzy looked at me with a sly grin. “So, what's going on with you and Dan.”

I blushed and looked down at the floor. “Honestly, I'm not really sure. He's been the best, honestly. I don't know how I would of done any of this without him.”

Suzy grinned, “You know, I think you guys fit together pretty well.”

“How do you mean?” I asked her curiously. I felt like Dan and I fit together, I knew he was one of the best friends I've had.

“I just feel like you have chemistry. It's sweet.” she smiled at me.

I blushed again, “I think you might be right, to be honest. But I'm not totally sure he's interested in anything but friendship.” which wasn't necessarily a bad thing, I knew I wanted Dan in my life regardless of how. I explained to her what happened the week before, she listened intently, and I could see the smile growing on her face.

She placed her hand on mine. “Hon, it has nothing to do with him not being interested and everything to do with him just being Dan.”

“What do you mean?”

“Dan is an extremely nice guy. If he thought anything was influencing your interest in him he'd put on the breaks faster than you could blink. That's just how he is.” she rolled her eyes, “sometimes, I swear, men think we're way more unsure of our feelings than we actually are”

I laughed, Suzy had a point, I could definitely see Dan reacting like that. As much as I originally believed it just to be an excuse, but I couldn't fault him for that. I didn't lose a pet or a job, I lost my mother. It was something I was still working through, but that didn't mean I couldn't feel other forms of love or affection at the same time.

“You know, I get it now, Suzy. This was a very educational conversation.”

“What was educational?” I heard Dan ask from behind me.

“Nothing!” Suzy piped up, “Just helping her with some make up tips”

I almost laughed, I hadn't put on a drop of make up since my terrifying raccoon eyes stage of adolescents, and Dan knew this. He looked at me curiously before asking me if I was ready to go. I whispered my thanks to Suzy, said bye to her and Arin and left to go back home.

\----

I was quiet on the way home. I knew Dan was concerned because he kept looking at me out the corner of his eye. But for once, I wasn't thinking about grief, I was replaying the conversation I had with Suzy in her kitchen. The thought that Dan would put the breaks on because he was so concerned about me made my heart squeeze a little. It was ridiculously sweet but also a little frustrating at the same time. I think I proved through all of this that I was slightly more level headed than he seemed to think.

Replaying it over and over in my head, by the time I got home, I was a little pissed. Getting out of the car with an irritated huff, I unlocked the door and shut it behind me before Dan even got to the door. I heard him come in behind me as I made my way to the bedroom. I sat in the middle of my bed and flopped down. Fine, I was pouting a little bit and probably acting like a petulant child, but I was annoyed.

Dan followed me into my room. “Uh, what's going on?”

I sighed, “Nothing.”

“Nothing? Seriously? Please don't be like that.” Dan pleaded slightly.

“Fine. You didn't kiss me back.” I huffed.

Dan looked confused. “Wait, you're mad over something that happened a week ago? I'm seriously confused.”

He had a point. I felt my annoyance ebbing. “Err, a little?”

Dan sighed and sat down next to me. “Brianna, I explained to you why I didn't kiss you back and it had nothing to do with not wanting to.”

I looked up at him. “Are you sure.”

He ran his hand through his hair and leaned down over me. Taking a breath, he pressed his lips to mine. I groaned and arched into him. He kissed me hotly, sliding his tongue over my bottom lip and then nipping slightly. I opened my mouth to his and his tongue brushed mine, I moaned at the contact. My hands delved into his hair and I pulled him closer, causing him to slightly lose his balance and practically lay on top of me. I loved the feeling of his weight pressing onto me, and I wanted more.

Dan slowed the kiss and pulled away from me, breathing heavily. My heart was pounding in my chest as I tried to calm myself.

“I'm sorry, Dan. That was unfair of me.” I looked away from him feeling embarrassed tears fill my eyes.

Dan grinned at me. “No, don't be sorry.” he laid next to me and gathered me to his chest. “I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression that night. I honestly just didn't want to pressure you into something you may not be ready for.”

I looked up at him. “Dan, honestly, I will never do anything I'm not ready for. Please be sure of that, anything I do with you is something I want to do.”

He nodded. “Alright. I trust you, but you need to tell me if I move too fast.”

“Of course.” I kissed his cheek and sighed. “So, the appointment...” I explained everything that happened at the appointment and he followed along, nodding and agreeing appropriately. “So basically, I'm just waiting for the coroner to call me back and then I'll go from there.”

“Do you know when you'll hear from him?” he asked.

I shrugged in response, I was nervous about finding out. That one piece of paper had the power to completely relieve my guilt or compound it until it destroyed me.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to thank everyone for all the Kudos and views!  
> I haven't really written anything but e-mails in seven years or so, so it's really amazing to see people actually enjoying my writing. I hope to be doing this more often, I am seriously starting to love it!
> 
> Also, little note about this one. Brianna get's mad/annoyed at Dan for no reason. Not to downplay it or anything, but I remember being like that. I snapped at my husband over the STUPIDEST shit, and I remember feeling ridiculous for it cause it was just me being overwhelmed. Luckily, my husband reacted much like I wrote Dan to react lol I just wanted to add a bit of that into this, and also lead it into a kissing scene, cause come on, who doesn't love kissing xD


	10. Part 4.5-5.5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought I'd try something different for the weekend. Like I said in my last chapter, I'm really new at this so I thought I'd do some scenes from Dan's perspective. Let me know if you like it, and I may do some more for weekend posts :)

"No-oo" Brianna sobbed and then the line went silent.

"Brianna? Brianna!?" Dan ran his hand through his hair, and threw his phone to the side.

He knew Brianna wasn't in a good place. From what he was gathering, her mother had died and his heart broke for her. She had sounded completely and utterly destroyed on the phone, and Dan didn't know how to help.

He had no way to find out her address. He considered calling the hospital with some excuse that he was her boyfriend, but that made no sense.

Dan was supposed to be heading to a late night filming session, but he couldn't. He had to find out how to help Brianna. While he tried to figure out what to do, he texted Arin to let him know what was going on.

As hesitant as Arin was with Dan's friendship or, whatever this was, he understood why Dan was concerned for the girl and told him that they'd film at another time. They had enough pre filmed episodes them to take some time off if needed.

All Dan could do was pace and worry. When he had nearly worn a hole in his living room floor, after more unanswered texts than he could count, he finally received a response.

Stahy hkime. Imnn fione.  
Brianna (21:52)

Dan stared at his phone. Brianna was normally so good at sending texts. This was odd.

Reelly Druink. Warmn.  
Brianna (21:54)

Dan sighed and shook his head. This was not going to work.

Brianna, can you send me your address please.  
Me (21:54)

Nopr  
Brianna (21:55)

Brianna, please. I just need it for something. What's your address.  
Me (21:56)

After a couple more pleading text messages, Brianna finally sent him something that seemed like an address. After spending a few minutes deciphering it, he threw on his shoes and left.

Arriving at a quaint one story house only a few minutes drive away from his place, Dan knocked on the door. When he didn't get an answer, and didn't hear anything inside, he tried the door knob, finding it unlocked.

He walked in quietly, but then called out to Brianna. Walking through the house he saw her through the open bathroom door. She was curled up in front of the toilet, clearly she had just been extremely sick.

Dan didn't consider himself a very physically fit man, but he picked up the tiny brunette and carried her into what he assumed was her bedroom and laid her on the bed.

She shifted a little, as if she was waking up. Dan brushed the hair back from her face and pressed his palm to her flushed face.

"Are you alright?" he asked her, concerned. On the bedside table, he noticed a bottle of liquor. Picking it up to see what was remaining, he cursed as he realized the bottle was almost empty.

She had drank herself sick. He went back into her bathroom and found a facecloth to wet under the tap. Bringing it back to her room, he sat on the side of the bed and pressed the cloth to her face.

When her breathing settled and she seemed to have fallen asleep, Dan sat on the side of the bed and stared at her. Probably creepy, but he was so worried about her. He had been around some pretty intoxicated people, but not one who had gotten black out drunk after receiving terrible news. When he finally convinced himself that she was alright, he left her room to waste time in the living room.

He was debating on whether to leave before she woke up. As shitty as that would be, he didn't think right now would be the best time for her to figure out who he was. This is when things got complicated. He didn't make friends with fans because things got too weird, but he couldn't allow Brianna to wake up alone in an empty house. He just decided the best option was to wait for her to wake up, and deal with her reaction then.

He grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen and a couple Advil out of a bottle in the bathroom and snuck into her room, leaving it on the bedside table. She was probably going to be sick again when she woke up.

Some time later, he received a phone call from Arin.

"Hey."

"Dan, how's everything?" Arin asked.

Dan sighed, "I don't know man. I got here and she was passed out on the bathroom floor."

"Seriously?" the younger man sounded concerned. "What happened?"

"It looks like she drank herself sick." the more Dan talked about it, the more he was getting worked up again.

"Shit. But I mean, she'll be okay." Arin, always the optimist.

"I don't know what to do, Arin. She's been sleeping for hours." frustrated, Dan ran a hand over his face.

"Dan, relax, she drank a lot. It's going to take a while for her to sleep it off."

"I know it needs time to get out of her system, but man, you didn't see her last night. She drank almost the whole bottle." Dan wasn't sure what the limit was for alcohol poisoning, but he was pretty sure she was close.

Hearing a groan from the bedroom, Dan cut Arin off before he could respond. "I think she's awake."

"Alright, let me know how everything goes." Arin said.

"Yeah, I'll call you later. Thanks, man." Dan hung up the phone and walked into Brianna's bedroom.

She was sitting up her bed, her hair a tangled mess around her face.

"Brianna?" he called lightly.

She looked up at him and he saw the moment that she realized who he was. She stared at him for a moment before her lips whispered his name. All of a sudden she was barrelling past him to the bathroom with her hand over her mouth. Dan followed her and cringed at the sound of her getting sick. Pulling her hair back from her face, he spoke softly to her.

When she was finally done, Dan helped her lean against the bathtub.

Her eyes were wide. "You..

Guilt shot through him. "I know, I should of told you. I'm so sorry, Brianna." she was starting to hyperventilate. "Take a breath, it's okay."

When she tried to talk again, he nodded and pressed the cloth to her face. He had an overwhelming feeling to comfort her, but when he hugged her, she pushed him away.

"You-u need to leave." she got up and locked herself in her room, his heart broke all over again. Knocking on the door, he pleaded with her but gained no response.

He sighed and went to sit on the couch. There was no way he was leaving her. Whether it was him that she needed or just someone, he was staying until he knew she was alright. Regardless of how long it took.

 


	11. Pat 6.5-8.5

When Dan and Brianna arrived back from the appointments, Dan could tell that she was seriously exhausted. She hadn't said a word on the way home, so the second they walked in the house, Dan ushered Brianna over to the couch and sat down, pulling her so that she was laying with her head in his lap.

She seemed hesitant, but exhaustion soon won out and she was sleeping before Dan even thought to pull a blanket over her.

Dan tried to distract himself with television, but his thoughts and his eyes always came back to rest on the sleeping girl in his lap.

The worry lines and sadness had smoothed off of her face in sleep, and Dan began to relax while watching her.

His affection for her was growing with the determination to do everything he could to help her. He had never gone through anything quite like this himself, so he couldn't offer advice or lead her in the best course of action. But he certainly could be there to put a smile on her pretty face or comfort her when she needed to cry.

Whether she wanted him as a friend, a lover or more when this was over, he didn't know. But he knew that he would be whatever she needed.

She woke up as he was staring at her, he hoped she didn't realize that he was having a hard time keeping his eyes away from her. He tried to distract himself by prompting her to eat, but when she buried her face in his stomach he gasped. Maybe having her laying on his lap wasn't the best idea when he was trying to keep his very non-platonic thoughts to himself. Kicking himself for his inappropriate thoughts, he finally convinced her to go eat.

\---

Dan was shocked to see the tears running down Brianna's face. She seemed to be in a relatively good mood since they got home and started going through envelopes.

He stretched his hand towards her in shock, automatically reaching to comfort her whenever she needed.

When she told him why she was crying, he felt a sense of relief. He could understand her surprise tears, crying out of gratefulness that her extended family had banded behind to support her during this tough time.

He smiled gently at her, "See, everything works out."

When she thanked him for sticking around for her, his heart squeezed in his chest. It was more than sympathy he was starting to feel for the girl he hugged and shared a bed with. He had started to care for her on a deeper level.

That's why, when she leaned up and kissed him, he froze. As much as his body was urging him to continue, as much as his heart skipped a beat in his chest, he couldn't.

The sad girl he cuddled needed a friend through one of the toughest times in her life, not someone that would take advantage of her sensitive state.

When she pulled back and stumbled over her words, Dan was appalled by her thoughts. She didn't think he wanted her? She didn't think that he had played this moment, their first kiss, in his head over and over and then beat himself up over it again and again.

He smiled at his sweet girl, "Brianna, trust me, I want to. I just.." as he explained, he watched her face. She understood, but there was a slight sadness in her eyes. He knew she didn't agree, but she would go along with it.

Dan wanted to make sure that any feelings she may have for him weren't tied up with him comforting her. But regardless, he would be there.

\---

Dan thought that after they came home from the burial, Brianna would somehow miraculously feel better. But when they got back to her place and she looked so broken curled up in her bed, Dan didn't know what to do.

He had a feeling that she needed something that he could not provide. Something a trained professional would be able to help her with. He knew she felt guilty about her mother's death. She was very vocal while she slept, which he refused to admit to her. They were private thoughts and he didn't want to pry, but he could see it wearing on her.

He was hesitant to mention a counsellor or therapist. He had seen things like this back fire in the past. Some people were not open to the idea of spilling their inner thoughts to a total stranger.

When she seemed to be accepting of the idea, he was relieved. He wanted to do everything possible to make her feel better.

Once she had fallen asleep, shortly after he had started singing to her. He quietly snuck out of the room.

Sending a quick text message to Arin, he let him know that she was doing alright.

Dan decided to try to make supper for Brianna, hoping that maybe if he cooked he could convince her to eat. But everything seemed to be going wrong. Every batch of cookies he baked seem to burn, he burnt himself on the baking sheet as he took it out of the oven, and the pasta he was trying to make was about to turn into a gelatinous mess in the pot.  
  
When he heard Brianna speak from behind him, he turned around and his breath caught, she looked adorable. The comforter from her bed was wrapped over her shoulders and she still had a sleepy look on her face.

As much as he wanted to do this for her, he was grateful when she walked over to the counter and fixed his mistakes.

As they sat down to eat, he was hopeful that, eventually, they could do this without a black cloud hanging over them.

It wasn't like Dan to be so solemn all the time. He was looking forward to extending those little slivers of time when they laughed and joked together, when a genuine smile crossed her beautiful face.

 


	12. Part 10

I was woken up to the insistent ringing of my cell phone. Dan and I had spent most of the night talking and he had sufficiently distracted me. But when I grabbed my phone off the bedside table and saw the coroners number on the screen, my heart jolted.

Taking a breath, I pressed talk.

“H-hello?” I answered quietly. Dan was still sleeping next to me, so I didn't want to wake him.

“May I speak with Brianna, please?” the person on the line asked.

“Speaking.” I sat up straighter.

“This is Dr. Lowe. I'm the coroner that performed the autopsy on your mother. I had a message that you had called.”

I nodded, even though he couldn't see me. “Yes, I was wondering if you had the results of the autopsy.”

I heard him rustling through papers. “Yes, I have it right here, I also sent a copy off to your mother's family doctor.”

“I haven't heard from them, I was wondering if you could tell me the results of it.” I asked nervously.

“Sure. Uhm, let's see here.” the line went silent for a moment. “Ah, here we go, cause of death was a cardiac episode.”

The breath left my lungs, “Like... a heart attack?”

“No, not really. Basically, her heart started beating very irregularly and it caused it to stop.”

“Can I ask you a question?” I asked quietly.

“Brianna, I could tell your concern from the second I saw you at your mother's house. No, there is nothing that you could of done to stop this. Even had you gotten her to the hospital on time, the damage was already done. This is something that was building before she got sick.” the Doctors voice was very kind but direct.

I felt tears building in my eyes and spilling over. I felt relieved, I felt sad, but all over, I felt my guilt starting to leave me. “Thank you, Dr. Lowe.”

He said goodbye and the line went dead. I dropped my phone in my lap and I sighed, slumping back onto my bed.

I laid in bed thinking. About my mother, about the last few weeks, about Dan. How my life changed so much, and now that I didn't have a major amount of guilt hanging over my head, I felt so much better. Noticing that it was a reasonable time to get up, I snuck out of bed, got dressed and ran quickly to get coffee for Dan and I.

After having some time alone to gather my thoughts, I got back home bordering on being in a good mood, as much as I could be. I place the coffee on the bedside table and jumped into bed next to Dan, jolting him a little. He looked at me groggily. “Hi.”

I smiled at him. “Mornin'.”

He sat up slowly, eyeing me. “Everything alright?” he asked. I swallowed a giggle. He probably thought I've completely lost my shit. It'd been a really long time since I actually felt normal.

“I'm relieved. Very very relieved.” I gestured towards the coffee. “I went for a walk.”

He grabbed his coffee and handed me mine, propping himself up on his elbow. “Brianna, Doll, I love that you're in a good mood, but what's going on?”

“I got a call from the coroners today. And I know it's probably the weirdest thing ever that I'm happy I heard from them, and you probably think I'm absolutely losing it, but it's the type of thing..” I rambled for a bit.

Dan placed his hand on my leg. “What happened, Brianna.”

“He had the cause of death.” I explained to him what the coroner said and understanding washed over his face.

He smiled lightly at me and hugged me. “I never thought differently. Brianna, these things happen.”

I nodded, “I know that, Dan.” Even though the sadness was still there from missing my mother, the relief of not being the cause of her passing seemed to be overshadowing everything at the moment. As strange as it seemed to actually feel any happiness at a time like this. Brains seemed to compartmentalize things when emotions were too overwhelming.

I sighed and leaned back against the pillows. “Do you think I'm going crazy?” I asked him quietly.

“No, not at all. I think you've had to handle a lot of things. I think you're just tired and your brain doesn't know how to react right now.” he reassured me.

I took his hand in mine and ran my thumb over his palm. “What do I do from here?”

“You relax on your time off, you keep going to the counselor, you finish up the estate stuff and then you go back to work. It'll be a process, but everything will get back to normal.” he placed his coffee on the bedside table to sit up, and looked down on me with a smile. “Everything will be okay.”

I mulled over his words, I was actually starting to think he may be right. Maybe there would be a time that my life wouldn't be run by the thoughts of my mother.

\---

Dan decided that it was time to do something different. He didn't want me laying around the house and getting into my head again, so we got dressed and left my place. He wouldn't tell me where he was bringing me, but he seemed really excited by it.

When he finally stopped the car, I looked out my window excitedly. “You've got to be joking me?” I exclaimed.

Dan grinned. “Good?”

I unbuckled my seat belt quickly and jumped out of the car. “You brought me to the Zoo?” I was smiling so big my face hurt, this is exactly what I needed. Growing up, I didn't go to the Zoo often but it was pretty much my favorite place in the world.

Dan stepped out of the car and I walked over to him, nearly throwing myself into his arms. He hugged me tightly and kissed my forehead. “I figured you needed a distraction.”

I pulled him along as I walked quickly to the entrance. Dan paid for our tickets, even though I told him I could pay for myself, as I grabbed one of the ridiculously colored maps that was at the front desk. I unfolded it and we debated on which route to take first. Deciding on seeing the big cats exhibit first, we took a left at the crossroads within the zoo.

We stopped at basically every enclosure, reading the information about the animals and tossing random facts back and forth at each other. When we got to the reptile house, we took turns holding different reptiles. We ended up in the bug house, which sketched me out more than anything, Dan laughed at my disgusted expressions when ever we walked past something that was bigger or had more legs than a house fly.

When we were just about to leave, I noticed that the zoo had opened a butterfly house. Even though I could tell that he was starving and ready to leave, he saw my expression and smiled at me, gesturing for me to lead the way. When we stepped in, my eyes widened, there were hundreds of multi-colored butterflies everywhere. I walked a little further in and grabbed an orange slice from a little dish, handing it to Dan and then grabbing one for myself.

“What am I supposed to do with this?” he asked, confused.

I smiled at him and held my hand holding the orange out to a branch, a bright orange Monarch butterfly walked from the leave and onto the orange slice. I showed it to Dan, “See, they love it!”

Dan walked around for a moment and came back with a bright blue butterfly on an orange slice. “This is seriously awesome.”

We walked around the enclosure. It was essentially like a little forest inside the building with a gazebo in the center. Thankfully it wasn't too busy, so we were able to sit at one of the benches. It seemed to be one of the butterflies favorite hang outs because before long we ended up having butterflies on us.

“That butterfly is enjoying your shirt.” I said to Dan, gesturing to the yellow and orange one that had landed on him.

He laughed and titled his chin at me. “You have one on your head.”

We decided to walk around a little bit. There was a pond in the corner, and around the other side of the gazebo there was a glass case filled with multi-colored cocoons.

As we were standing there, one had started wiggling and a butterfly started the emerge. We stood there fascinated until it had hatched completely. Dan started laughing randomly.

“What?” I asked curiously.

“Man, I totally understand Caterpie, Kakuna and Butterfree a lot more.” he said laughing.

“Kakuna? You mean Metapod?” I laughed, remembering his Pokemon playthroughs.

“Shit, my Pokemon knowledge is still awful!” he shook his head. “Alright, you ready to head out? I'm starving.”

I agreed and we spent the next ten minutes trying to make sure we didn't have any butterflies on us before we left. Dan had a couple that had attached themselves to the back of his shirt, and I had one that had nestled itself into my hair.

Getting back into the car, we stopped by a pizza place, got some food and brought it back to my place. Dan put a movie on the T.V. while I grabbed some plates and drinks out of the kitchen.

We ate and enjoyed our movie. When it was over, I moved myself closer to Dan on the couch. “Thank you for today. This is the most fun I have had in a long time.”

Dan grinned. “I'm unbelievably happy to hear that, Doll.”

I looked down at my hands nervously and then back at him. “If I do something, are you going to go all weird on me again?” I asked him.

He eyed me wearily, but nodded, so I leaned up and pressed my lips against his. I didn't know if random kisses were okay, but there was multiple times during the zoo trip and the movie that I had wanted to kiss him. I figured that until he understood that I wasn't doing this just out of gratefulness, I'd ask first.

I sighed against his mouth and wrapped my arms around his neck. To my surprise and delight, he kissed me back, applying the slightest pressure to my lips, before groaning and pressing his lips harder to mine. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me to kneel next to him on the couch. I let my arm drop until it rested on his chest and he lifted his hand to press under my chin. My other hand went into his hair and I clenched my hand lightly causing Dan to moan into the kiss. I felt a jolt up my spine at the sound. I pulled myself over him, straddling him, I wanted to be closer to him.

“Brianna.” there was a strain to his voice and I knew he was putting the breaks on again.

I seated myself on his lap and pouted lightly. “What's the male version of a cock tease?” I asked with a chuckle.

He laughed and tipped his head back against the couch. “I just think that banging on the first date wouldn't be a good idea.”

My eyes widened slightly and I smiled at him. “This was a date? I thought we were supposed to have coffee?”

“Coffee isn't a date. Did you not want this to be a date?” he looked slightly disappointed.

I shook my head and kissed him softly. “If that was a date, it was a pretty fucking awesome date, just saying.”

He pulled me into a hug. “Good, cause it was definitely a date.”


	13. Part 11

After spending the next week just spending time with Dan and putting the house up on the market, it was time for me to go back to work. Going back to the office was strange, a coworker had taken over for me while I was out, so the first day was a lot of phone calls that I had to make to my clients letting them know that I was back, going through emails and paperwork, and catching up with my coworkers.

By the end of the day, I was tired and could barely see straight from reading a screen all day. Dan was still staying at my place and as much as it was probably time for him to go home, I really didn't want him to. It wasn't like he could move in. Our relationship, or whatever it was, was just starting out. We had cuddled, kissed and spent more time together than I had with anyone from any previous relationship. It was nice having him around, and I was excited about whatever it was the was building between us. I had pretty much stopped making any advances on him, other than innocent kisses, I didn't think I could take the rejection again, regardless of how good his intentions were.

When I got home, carrying large bags of stuff from coworkers and clients, Dan was waiting for me. He was eager to hear all about my day at work, which made me laugh at him. With the exciting career that he had, my boring office accounting job would be the equivalent of reading a history text book to him.

Even so, he sat next to me on the couch, his body completely turned towards me in rapt attention as I told him about my e-mail inbox coming in at over 600 emails, and having so many voicemails from my clients they stopped being able to leave any a week in. He laughed with me as I told him about my phone call with Mrs. Everleigh, the tiny grey widow who wouldn't let me get off the phone for an hour and a half because she just wanted to chat, even though I had an in-person meeting with her the next day. And at the end of it, he let me cry on his shoulder when I started telling him about how my wonderful coworkers and clients had left me flowers, cards, and pre-made meals so I wouldn't have to worry about anything.

“Sounds like you had an eventful day.” Dan said, rubbing my back soothingly.

I nodded, sitting up and wiping my eyes. “I did, my work is great.” I laughed. “Oh, man, when I'm going to stop blubbering like a fool for anything?”

“It takes time. You know that.” Dan smiled at me. “So, distraction. Suzy and Arin invited us over for supper with Brian and Barry. Did you want to go or did you want to stay home?”

I contemplated this for a moment, Dan seemed really excited though, so I nodded. “Sure, I'd love to go.”

Dan smiled and jumped on his phone to let them know while I went to get changed. I had stripped down and was looking in my drawers for a tank top and jeans to put on when my door opened. I turned quickly, seeing Dan standing in the door way staring at me. I blushed and wrapped my arms around my midsection.

“Oh shit, sorry Brianna!” Dan exclaimed.

Seeing the embarrassed look on his face, I shrugged. “It's okay, I'm still covered.” luckily I sounded a lot more nonchalant than I felt. In reality, I could feel my body heating as he stared at me.

“I just needed to grab my sweater.” he gestured to the bed.

Clearing my throat nervously, I grabbed my clothes and dressed quickly. Dan was still standing in the doorway looking at the floor. I grabbed his sweater and handed it to him as I made my way out of the room. He followed me to the living room.

“Seriously, I'm really sorry.” he repeated again.

“Dan, honestly, it's okay. It's not like you saw anything I didn't want you to see.” my face flushed at my words. Fuck.

Dan's eyes widened before he smirked at me.

I looked away. Of all the times to let my big mouth slip. I tried to say something but just stumbled over my words.

“We'll discuss this later.” Dan said with a chuckle.

Taking a deep breath, I put my shoes on and motioned towards the door for us to leave. The entire drive to Arin and Suzy's, Dan kept shooting me little glances that I pretended not to notice. My body was still hot from embarrassment and something else that I didn't want to think too hard on. When we got to their place, Dan turned to me before getting out of the car.

“Don't be embarrassed, I just wasn't expecting to hear that.” he said, smiling.

“Trust me, I didn't mean to say it. It just, I don't know, slipped.” I looked away from him again, I was having a hard time looking straight at his face. I ran my hands through my hair. Today was not that day that I wanted to admit to Dan that I wanted to, err, take the next step in our relationship. I blushed hotter at my silent thoughts.

Dan's finger brushed down my cheek. “I'm pretty sure your cheeks are about to burst into flames.”

I glowered at him, regardless of if he was right, “Sorry, wasn't expecting to tell you that I want you to see me naked today.”

His bright eyes sparkled with amusement, “I'm Danny Sexbang, Baby. Of course you want me to see you naked.”

I laughed out loud at his clear attempt to make me feel better. “Alright, Mr. Sexbang, let's not keep your friends waiting because you've decided to tease me.”

He raised an eyebrow “Oh, so much more I could say to that statement, but fine let's go.”

I rolled my eyes and got out of the car, following him to the front door. We were the first ones there. Dan ran over to talk with Arin, throwing himself on the couch next to him and I followed Suzy in the kitchen. She was just starting to cook, so I asked her if she needed any help and started preparing vegetables when she instructed me what she needed.

We talked while we prepared supper, interrupted periodically by Arin whining dramatically that he was starving to death. When Barry and Brian arrived, that stopped, though and Suzy and I were able to finish dinner. Only going into the living room to tell the four guys to come in and get their food. Suzy and I laughed as we told them that cooking was as far as we were going and they could come serve their damn selves.

Having a little break from Dan's stares was a little nice. When we sat down for dinner next to each other, I was able to look at him without blushing. Until, as I was finishing my meal, his hand rested on my thigh under the table, causing a tingling feeling to run up and down my leg. I shot a warning look at him. I knew he was just trying to mess with me. I was pretty sure he secretly enjoyed me being so flustered around him. My suspicions were confirmed when he smiled at me broadly and stroked his hand down my thigh, causing me to almost choke on my water. He withdrew his hand after that, trying not to laugh and make it noticeable what he was doing.

I ignored him until it was time to leave, I had helped Suzy tidy up and then film a video, while Dan, Arin, Brian and Barry were having a conversation about the next NSP album.

When we said our goodbyes and got back into the car, I shot a glare at Dan. “Don't you ever do that again.” the anger in the glare was lost by the blush and smile on my face.

Dan laughed and started driving back to my place. “What? You didn't enjoy yourself?”

“I'm not talking about the dinner, Dan. That was great. I'm talking about you nearly groping me under the kitchen table!” I huffed.

Dan laughed harder and put his hand on my knee. “I'm sorry, Brianna. The look on your face was just priceless.”

“It's great that you enjoyed yourself.” I made a point to ignore him from that point forward. When we got home, I stormed into the house and took off my shoes.

Dan followed close behind, and shut the door behind him. I started walking to the couch when Dan grabbed my arm gently and twisted me around until my back was facing the door. “Brianna...” he backed me up against the door, his forearms resting on the door on either side of my face. “I'm sorry, can you forgive me?”

I gasped as I felt his breath brush my lips. “I.. uhm...”

He leaned closer to me, his lips brushing the skin under my ear. “I'm really sorry. I probably shouldn't tease you.” his voice was low.

My breath quickened and I tilted my head away from his, exposing more of my neck to him. “Um, yeah...”

Dan chuckled low in my ear before pressing soft, slow kisses down the side of my neck. I groaned as he met the sensitive skin at the base of my neck and nipped lightly. My fingers gripped his shirt, crumpling the fabric in my fists and pulling him closer to me. “Dan.” I gasped.

I could feel him grin against my neck as he continued kissing across my throat and down my chest slightly. His fingers played at the bottom edge of my shirt, lifting his eyes to mine as if asking permission. I nodded my head slightly and he lifted my shirt up and over my head, exposing the plain black bra that I wore underneath. His eyes drank me in and I shivered.

He ran his hands down my sides, his eyes darkening. He stopped at the button on my jeans, and looked to me again. My heart squeezed, the fact that he was asking me permission throughout was the sweetest thing. I nodded again and he unbuttoned my jeans and pushed them down, giving me a second to step out of them and push them to the side.

My hands clasped in his shirt again and I pulled him towards me to kiss me. His mouth met mine and I moaned at the contact. His rough clothing on my bared skin made me shiver and I lowered my hands to pull his shirt up. He grinned at my impatience and stepped back to pull his shirt off. He pressed himself back against me and resumed his kissed path down my neck, this time not stopping at the part way down my chest, he kissed the skin of my breast that was exposed from the cup of my bra, then between my breasts. He dropped to his knees in front of me and kept going, kissing down my ribs, and belly to the elastic on my underwear.

He was driving me absolutely crazy, the soft warmth of his lips against my skin, the clear enjoyment written on his face, and the sight of him in front of me. I moaned and tipped my head back against the door. His hooded gaze met mine and he grinned. He moved away slightly and kissed one of my thighs, then the other. Running his hands back up my legs, his hands reached the band of my underwear and he pulled them down slowly.

I knew what he was wanting to do, and I was equal parts nervous and turned on. My sexual experiences were minimal and any time a boyfriend had attempted this, I had shied away, not comfortable with it in the slightest. But with Dan, I trusted him completely and my body responded to him. I lifted one foot and then the other so he could remove my underwear from my ankles. He kissed down the side of my hip, the stubble on his face slightly scratchy against my over heated skin.

He looked up at me, his eyes boring into mine as he kissed across to my other hip and down my thigh, clearly enjoying the torture he was inflicting. My eyes were nearly rolling in my skull and I was mewling at nearly every press of his lips. He must of felt as if he did enough teasing, because he placed one hand on each hip, and kissed where I was aching the most for his touch. I gasped as his tongue touched my clit. My body was on fire as his tongue moved over the sensitive bundle of nerves. My hands shot to his hair in surprise of the feelings running through me. Every touch of his tongue was bringing me closer to my release. He licked, suckled and nibbled until I was moaning incoherently and tugging on his hair. The way this man was playing my body was downright sinful.

“Fuck, Dan.” I moaned loudly. He redoubled his efforts, sensing that I was close to my release. He focused his attention on my clit, swirling his tongue around it. I moaned his name loudly between clenched teeth as my release hit. Dan continued moving his tongue gently against me as I came down.

He pulled back from me and watched me as I came back to my senses. I smiled lazily at him as he stood up in front of me. His eyes were dark and hooded, and even though I had just met my release, I felt a jolt run through me.

“I.. that was...” I started.

Dan stepped closer to me again, his hands on my hips. “That was fucking beautiful.”

I flushed and leaned up to kiss him, his bare chest met mine and he groaned. I could feel the bulge in his jeans pressing against my lower stomach. I ran my hands down his bare stomach to his jeans, unbuttoning them quickly. I reached in and pulled his hardness out of his boxers, running my hand over the soft skin. He broke the kiss and dropped his forehead onto my shoulder, a deep growl rumbling through him. I stroked him softly, moved his hair back off his neck and pressed soft kisses to the skin I exposed. He shuddered against me and lifted his head to kiss me before he took my hand off of him and lead me to my bedroom.

Reaching into the bag that he had, he pulled out a condom. I raised an eyebrow at him, but any sarcastic remark died as he lead me on the bed. I laid down and Dan crawled over me, pulling one of my legs around his hip to grind against me. I moaned at the feeling of his hardness pressing against my sensitive flesh. He pressed his lips to mine quickly before pulling back and putting the condom on.

He leaned back over me and kissed my forehead. I pulled him against me, moaning in impatience as he teased my entrance. Tilting my hips up, I encouraged him to continue, needing him with all of my being. Dan kissed me as he entered me slowly, swallowing my moans. My breath was coming in sharp gasps and pleasure flooded my body again. I dug my nails into his back as he sheathed himself completely and stopped moving. Mewling impatiently I tilted my hips again and he chuckled lightly.

“So impatient, Baby.” his hips twitched and a shock of pleasure ran through me again. His jaw clenched. “Fuck.”

I moaned his name as he started moving in slow shallow thrusts, before increasing his speed. Our hips moved together in the perfect rhythm. It wasn't long before another release was building in me. When it crashed around me unexpectedly, I arched into Dan, my nails running down his back. I'm sure that would twinge later, but he didn't seem to notice as he lifted one hand to dig his fingertips into my hip as he met his release groaning my name. He collapsed on top of me, careful to not let all of his weight land on me. I left soft kisses on his forehead as he rested his head on my chest. Running my fingers through the tangle of his hair, I sighed contently.

“Do I have to move?” Dan chuckled and rolled to the side, quickly disposing of the condom. When he got comfortable laying down on the bed, I curled into his side. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close.

“This is nice too.” I said with a giggle. He hummed in agreement and kissed my forehead sweetly.

Feeling completely content and relaxed, I was starting to realize that the small flutter of affection that I was feeling for Dan was moving into much more serious territory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the last of the pre-written chapters that I have. Been super distracted lately with Zelda ^.^ I will write more asap, but bear with me :)


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